I always thought why am I always forced to act sophisticated..study hard and be a doctor..this profession was chosen by my parents when I was not even fertilised..God knows how they implanted the seed of doctor and studies in me.
I remember I had never played with any dolls or girlish toys rather with trucks, buses, or rocket models. they never made me feel like I am a princess to them..it's like they grew me up to become a doctor.
Like all kids, I wanted to be a lot of..in 3rd standard I desperately wanted to grow up and have a pistol and be on duty just like Abhijeet-Daya-Purvi-Freddy sir
Around 5th I wanted to join the army looking at the well-dressed uniforms inspired me to study hard and start exercising..uh!! for growing up a little taller and losing some layers. I remember that 5 am when I used to step on the rooftop in an entirely smoggy air and start skipping..when sometimes it was dark with the e moon above and sometimes the moon and sky crossing each other..
Around 6th when my scores in maths increased a bit..honestly it was the first time in my finals that I got above 50 per cent in maths..I wanted to be an astronaut..all those rockets and toy planes were again on my shelf..and space stories came in handy..
When I started cycling in 8th..yeah! that's true bicycle was a dream for me..coz every time my parents step into any mall or toyshop they would pick a doctor's set..and I being an obedient one never asked them for anything coz they got their answer, "Love! You have to be a doctor one day, study hard and stay away from all those which can distract you"..
So when I started cycling..fixing mine as well as others' chains and secretly turning my father's engineering registers made me explore more and more, with increasing curiosity I learnt the entire engine's mechanism by reading and scanning those figures which were faint yellow..it was the day when I just helped someone with his car which let me go crazy with automobile..my maths was improved so I thought to be an automobile engineer..
While my imagination and aspirations like all other kids kept on changing but the very fact that my parents had already decided my future wasn't gone out coz it always surfaced..be it a financial matter or any house gathering "Doctor" was always gonna come..
It was not like I never wanted to be a player..but the very fact of my childhood stature couldn't be ignored..not letting your kids go out and play some rough-smooth games will make them obese..when I lost some weight and got a few inches too..I started playing but that too in school which was a bit of luck by chance..40 minutes was too short..
Though my parents brought me badminton fortunately being elder always results in sin..balls and rackets were always brought for me as a gift but as usual they were used and destroyed both by my siblings only..though I won some medals and certificates in sports but that excitement was sooner or later overlooked by me only coz of my ultimate future..
Though it was 9th only but nearer to boards so I was restricted from playing and participating in any debate or doing any mischief along with my classmates..coz I was never made to feel like a girl I became a girl with having the interest of boys..tomboy.. huh!
Though I have to show myself as a traditional sophisticated one only I knew the child living in me..I did a lot of crazy stuff with girls of my girls..I was always the only girl standing with boys for punishment or included in a mess..From secretly tying up the tails of two girls to pouring black ink on the desk of a chair or adjusting the compass under the chair all those highly.. top-level irritating things..
The point came when I had to cross paths with my parents and that was coz of MATHS..I liked maths rather I love it..though i wasn't aware of what the next level content books be I still wanted maths as my main subject the fact that I had to take BIOLOGY was there..though my parents were not in favour of me taking maths still, I took Maths..I mean Both Maths and Biology..
In the entire session of 11th and 12th..even after the board registration, they wanted me to leave maths and by that time I would have explored a lot of stuff from different engineering shorts..I mean from the library or newspaper and even television, the moment I got something I used to take a note and all in all I had much in my head but it went all vain..
As soon as my result came, my parents asked me to sit for a medical exam..
It's not like I didn't fight for my interest or whatsoever the words would be..but in the end as usual, I had to continue with my parent's decision..becoming an example for my siblings had always been something pinching my mind coz they weren't planned nor they were controlled..the difference was just like heaven and hell but nevermind I love them.
It was when I listened to my grandpa collecting his memories and talking about me..I realised that I was on the right track.."You use to get your injection filled with water and countlessly pick me up after wearing my white shirt, you always wanted to change your grandma's teeth coz she shouts a lot, on every Sunday we all had to act like patients for you, a four-year-old..you are the only one who has ever asked me so many questions..at the time I have to distract you when I was unable to answer..and you know what?" he asked while I was dumbstruck..
"Naah" with a short pause I answered with curiosity.."You wanted me and your father to give money to those who lived in slums for making their homes and living and when we refused..you my love announced climbing on that table, stuttering that you are not gonna give us a single coin from your money and when we asked for what reason you said to give it to those who lived in slums, though we all laughed on your act your thought of helping needy motivated us to lead you to the same path and fulfil all your dreams. Pass me that photo, hmmm, this is your photo see!" my grandpa showed my photo, a very rough yet watchable one, I was looking cute in the oversized shirt and the way I was standing on the table with both my hands on the waist made me love myself..
"Okay! give it back, go and sleep" he took that photo from me when I was still admiring myself..though I came to my room with a smile the words of my grandpa were roaming in my mind. I didn't notice when I started crying but the night felt too long..collecting all those memories of maa-paa I was somehow disappointed with myself only..I had a golden heart at the age of just 4 and now when I was 18 I went selfish and always cursed everyone..uhh!!
Though it was a regret-cum-realisation it acted like a booster dose for me..becoming a doctor was not only my parents but also my dream..I do realise that though I got fascinated by many others I never refused the question of becoming a doctor..
I slept late at night but the next morning, it was like a new life, a new chapter has to begin yet.
-Bhupinder Kaur
